BREAKING: Trump Accuses Biden of Being on Epstein List

PALM BEACH, FL — In a new twist in the “Who’s On the Epstein List?” national pastime, President Donald Trump has accused President Joe Biden of appearing on the infamous flight logs

“Biden was on the list, folks. Everybody knows it. Everyone’s saying it,” Trump told a crowd of golf carts and sycophants at his Florida estate. “He took the Lolita Express straight from Delaware to the Bahamas to ruin America. Nasty flights. The worst flights. Not even first class!”

When asked if he himself had ever associated with Epstein, Trump deflected, “I was only at one party with him. Maybe two. OK, we had adjoining beach houses — but I hardly knew the guy. He was a creep! A total creep — just like Biden. Probably worse. Maybe. We’re looking into it.”

In response, Biden’s team released a short statement:
“The President doesn’t know Epstein. Doesn’t remember him. Doesn’t even remember what list you’re talking about. But he wishes everyone a pleasant Tuesday, even though it’s Friday.”

Meanwhile, flight logs, witness testimony, and the photographic evidence continue to swirl around like cocktail napkins at a billionaire’s underage pool party. But in the end, America can rest assured: both parties are very concerned about the list — just as long as their own names aren’t on it.

This is a satirical blog