The Vegetarian Zombie
An amusing short undead tale. by Dirk de Klein
It’s just no fun being a vegetarian zombie, sure it’s alright for Mike being a zombie, he had always loved meat, rare steaks were his favourites. As for Frank he was a nutcase anyway, even before he became a living dead.
But me, I just didn’t like meat in any shape or form. How was I am going to survive this apocalypse?
There was nothing in the supermarkets for zombies like me, even normal vegetarians still had a choice of Quorn Chicken Fillets or Quorn Chicken Nuggets and even a soya burger or 2.
But every time I show up in the local supermarket, panic ensues. Screaming mothers picking up their toddlers out of the trolley, running for their lives. At one stage one mother fell just in front of me and when I wanted to help her up she screamed. “I am not that bad” I said “I am just not that dead”
Anyway I suppose life will go on, well actually it won’t, I just have to make the best of it.
It’s just that all the other zombies are bullying me. They go like “Aghg,grrrr,grrh,aahhh” and point to people and making those biting gestures, and I keep telling them “I am a vegetarian”
At one stage I thought I had the solution, in a market stall I saw a basket of Flesh Tomatoes, “Hey, hey” I thought, so I picked up the basket and when I wanted to pay for them, I noticed the guy behind the stall had ran away. I suppose there are some benefits in being a zombie.
I was so looking forward to these tomatoes, my luck though it turned out I was allergic to them. And when I say allergic I mean allergic. Having the runs as a human being is bad, but as a zombie it is multiplied by a factor of 1000.
No, life is no fun for a vegetarian zombie, note spare a thought for Julie though, she is a vegan zombie and to top it off she likes Justin Bieber, thank God I am not like her.
Picture by someone called Javi Ramos.