A Most Heartsome Recipe for Goulash, As Told in the Style of William Shakespeare


Enter ye kitchen, where pots do simmer and hearts do gladden! Let thine hands be steadfast, thy wit be sharp, and thy spoon be ever ready. Prepare thee now a feast most noble: Goulash, that hearty stew, fit for kings and weary travelers alike.


Ingredients

  • 2 pounds of beef, well-chosen and cut into chunks as fine as a knight’s steed
  • 2 onions, great and golden, sliced as though spun by a weaver’s hand
  • 3 cloves of garlic, crushed as villainous plots ‘neath justice’s heel
  • 2 tablespoons of sweet paprika, red as a lover’s blush
  • 1 teaspoon of caraway seeds, small yet mighty as a fool’s wisdom
  • 2 bell peppers, diced fine, in hues as bright as a minstrel’s tunic
  • 4 large tomatoes, crushed by hand, as fortune oft doth crush the proud
  • 4 cups of beef broth, deep and rich as a king’s coffers
  • 2 potatoes, cut in twain and then again, for hearty sustenance
  • 1 bay leaf, that fragrant token of victory
  • Salt and black pepper, measured with wisdom, lest the dish be ruined by folly
  • 2 tablespoons of oil, for the pot must glisten as a queen’s goblet
  • A loaf of crusty bread, to break in merriment

Method

1. In a cauldron deep and broad, place thine oil and let it dance o’er flame as lively as a courtly revel.
2. Into this merry heat cast thine onions, stirring till golden, till their scent doth weave a spell upon the air.
3. Next, summon forth thy garlic, and let it sizzle but a moment, ere it turns to bitter woe.
4. Now take thy beef, proud and strong, and sear it well on every side, till its flesh doth bear the kiss of flame.
5. Upon this noble feast, sprinkle thy paprika, and caraway too, that all may taste their magic deep.
6. Stir in thy peppers and tomatoes, letting them mingle and make merry.
7. Pour forth the broth as rivers to the sea, and let all combine in harmony.
8. Add thy bay leaf, a silent guardian ‘gainst blandness most foul.
9. Let thy pot now bubble and toil, for an hour at least, till the meat is tender as a poet’s heart.
10. As the final hour draws near, cast in thine potatoes, and let them soften ‘til they yield without quarrel.
11. Season well, taste oft, and adjust as wisdom dictates.


To Serve

Doth not a stew deserve a noble companion? Tear thee a hunk of bread, warm and golden, and let it soak in this ambrosial broth. And when the meal is done, raise thy goblet high, and toast to good company, warm hearths, and full bellies!


Thus concludes this recipe, a tale of warmth, of spice, of meat most tender. May it bring joy to thy table and mirth to thy soul! 🍖🍷

2 responses to “A Most Heartsome Recipe for Goulash, As Told in the Style of William Shakespeare”

    1. Just a bit of fun

      Like

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